


Close Encounters of the Third Kind

by recipe for insanity (sabriel75)



Category: Death Note
Genre: Arguing, Best Friends, Crack, Fights, Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Male Bonding, Male Friendship, Religious Conflict, Religious Content, Silly, X-Files Comments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sabriel75/pseuds/recipe%20for%20insanity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Matt and Mello have a sleepover. Near crashes. X-Files spurs debate on science, religion and the existence of God. A prank is pulled and Near and Mello discover how well they work together.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Encounters of the Third Kind

**Author's Note:**

> _If you think it's unrealistic that these three might have such discussions; too bad you weren't a fly on the wall in my home during my formative years of five to twenty-one. Really, it happens._

_"I could love this secret agent man…"_

Mello hazily awoke to warbled singing grating on his psyche's nerves. He tried desperately to block it out, burrowing deeper into his sleeping bag and pulling the zipper around in hopes of closing himself off to the world. Head angled back he had nearly accomplished his shut-in when his eyes alit upon startled grey ones.

Irritation forgotten, instead he attempted to telepathically kill the rat under Matt's bed.

"David Duchovny," Matt continued, his voice tripping over the "E" intonation and drawing it out before going on. "Why won't you love meeeeeeee?" he finished, twirling himself in the computer chair in time with his whiny high-pitched mockery of the original, not aware of the drama below on his bedroom floor.

"Dude!" he yelled over the computer still belting out _Why Won't You Love Me_ in sycophantic enthusiasm, "you won't believe these fans! They're crazy."

"No?" drawled Mello sarcastically without taking his icy glare off the stowaway under the bed. "Shut it off Matt and get over here!"

"Oh Mello, my love," Matt dramatized giggly as he punched a button on the laptop silencing the song, "You're so forceful and manly...," he playfully swooned until Mello kicked him in the knee and he crashed, hard, to the floor beside him.

"Such a husband beater!" Matt said, peering up at Mello where he lay sprawled on the floor. "Just 'cuz you decided to sleep on the hard floor and not stay awake for the entire movie; doesn't mean you can abuse me." A slap to the back of Mello's head accompanied his next reprimand, "Be nice to me or I'll impregnate you with my alien babies."

"Fuck you Matt," hissed Mello angrily and about to go on before Matt interrupted rudely. "Yeah, that's what I said, idiot, minus the alien babies."

"Matt!" Mello screamed. "Look under the fucking bed, you man whore!"

"Oh hello." Matt greeted Near with much more enthusiasm than Mello had. "So this is what you've been trying to tell me all morning," Matt snarked. "You sure he's mine?

"He's so cute; maybe he is an alien?" asked Matt conspiratorially.

"Further proof the telly rots your brain," Near deadpanned as he slid out from under the bed and sidled to the door as quickly as his shorter legs would carry him, but he was too slow. Mello beat him there. The door slammed shut and Mello, spine ramrod straight against the back of the door, blocked his exit.

Matt still sprawled on the floor, put his hands behind his head and looked up curiously at the two. "Immaculate Conception versus Alien Offspring, Round One," he said, sports commentator voice tuned to obnoxious.

Both boys standing shot him pissy looks and responded in unison, although for very different reasons.

"Don't mock my religion," Mello growled.

"There's no such thing," Near explained, condescension surprisingly evident in his tone.

Matt's grin turned evil, and Mello and Near were reminded that while genius like them, Matt's tongue when poisoned did more damage than either theirs did on the best of hate-spurned rant days. He was especially adept at finding core weaknesses in people and leaving them to rot in their own guilt and confusion when truly riled beyond the constraints of his laid-back, good-natured self.

"If you two don't work this out, I'm not letting either of you spend the night again," Matt said slowly articulate as if neither boy would have understood him if he didn't.

And that was all it took to have Mello and Near turn on each other.

"He started it. Why's he here anyway?" Mello bellowed indignantly; fear hazing his arguments as he tried to convince Matt of how wrong it was for Near to be here.

Near addressed Mello directly, "You believe in God?"

"Yeah, what of it?" Mello asked defensive. "You gonna make something of it?"

Near stared up at him blankly. "So much for genius I.Q.," he said quietly and then looked over at Matt questioningly. "May I leave now?"

However, Matt had shot up and put a hand out in warning. "Dude, why do you always have to take stuff so personally? He's just a harmless runt."

Not until his body flew into Matt's open arms did Near realize Matt had been speaking to Mello in way of warning. Mello pushed him so hard; it had blown him off his feet and propelled him right into Matt's arms, which were quite safe now that he thought about it. He curled up in them and twirled a finger in his hair.

Mello stomped over, but Matt shook his head. "Mels, you know I love you man, but peace dude. I cannot condone violence in my haven of rest."

Even Near looked up quizzically at that statement. "You are a very strange specimen," he remarked.

"Now don't you go hatin' on strange, as if you are one to talk," Matt laughingly argued, eyeing Mello with amusement too.

"Y'know Galileo believed in God," Mello blurted out. "He's a scientist that changed the entire world's perspective on space and planets and lots of other things too."

Near and Matt gawked a bit at Mello before realizing they were back to the original issue of God and his existence and whether a person could be a genius and still believe.

"How many times do I have to tell you dude? That guy was nearly burned at the stake for being a heretic," Matt cried foul. "You don't wanna use him as an example."

Near kept twirling his hair, waiting as if he knew Mello had more to say. And the blonde-hair Tasmanian-devil-tempered boy did.

"You aren't anyone, if you aren't willing to die for your beliefs," Mello explained heatedly. "You both lack conviction…," he paused for breath because the short huffs in and out had not been providing him enough air to breath and talk before continuing on, "You're weak without it!"

"Plus there are lots of other scientists who believed… like Albert Einstein," Mello ditched, the argument wasn't really interesting anymore since Near just kept letting him talk.

"The question is Mels," Matt began giggling so hard that he could barely get the words out, "did they believe in aliens?"

Near, disliking the frenetic movements of Matt's full blown laughter rocking him unsteadily, crawled out of Matt's lap and stood. He headed for the door, but again Mello blocked his way.

"Nut-uh, you're not going anywhere until I say so," he informed Near.

"So then say so or tell me what I can do to make you say so," Near appealed, his wording informing Mello of his displeasure.

Mello simply folded his arms in denial.

Near looked to Matt, but the other boy was curiously looking on in amusement.

"Did you know that Carl Sagan believed in aliens?" Near asked. He looked up at Mello and then to Matt like he was lecturing them. "Even Stephen Hawking likes to use their existence to satirize the stupidity of the human existence.

"As for Mello's claim that Einstein believed in God. He did not as a Judeo-Christian but as a scientist, a person who understands that with limited empirical data such things cannot be answered one way or another, therefore the existence of God cannot be ruled out. Ultimately, such relevancy of any of these questions come back to personal belief. I choose to have none. They do not matter in the scheme of my life, now do they? Only in death."

"They do," argued Mello. "How many people live better lives only because they fear burning in Hell."

"Bully for them," Near said unexpectedly bitter, "rather than make an informed decision to work for the greater good, they have to be bribed with Heavenly rewards or threatened with Hellish punishments. How childish of them?"

"Supposedly Freud cursed God on his deathbed," Matt contributed, strangely subdued.

Mello stood in shock, stunned at Near's blatant refusal to allow logic and religion coexist. "If I didn't hate you so much, I'd worry about your soul," he angrily hissed in Near's face.

"But you do hate me, so don't worry about me," Near chastised irritably.

Mello got even more in his face. "Don't tell me what to do!"

"I will if it's my soul," Near said.

"No, you won't," Mello chimed right back.

"Will to," Near responded just as quickly.

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!

"Yes!"

The yelling one word argument continued even as Matt began to flail about and hopped up, hands slapping at his neck. "Guys!," he yelled. "Hey you two! Do you hear that?"

"What?" Near and Mello bellowed in unison.

"Can you hear that buzzing?"

"What buzzing Matt?" Mello asked, stepping towards Matt cautiously. "Quit hopping around and maybe we could."

"The buzzing," Matt said, then slumped to the ground unconscious.

"Is he allergic to bee stings?" Near asked in fright, running over to Matt's side to feel his pulse.

Mello balked, phone in hand in case he needed to call the emergency number, but still managed to look at Near with hate when he answered, "How the Hell should I know?"

"Hell again," Near muttered. "Sorry to have thought as his best friend you might know."

His smallish fingers pushed on Matt's neck. He kept them there for a few more seconds before turning to Mello, "He's fine. Whatever…"

Matt jumped up. "You guys are so lame!" he yelled. "You totally don't get it!"

Two irate faces followed Matt's bouncy movements over to the computer. They were still in shock, and did not speak for fear of what they might do to the redhead, but they certainly did not have any clue what he was talking about either.

"It was the bees, dude! Scully's carrying an alien baby and that's how they got it in her. Duuuh," Matt explained.

Mello and Near headed for the door. "Y'know for two idiots who hate each other, you two work together like pros," Matt said.

"And God thought he'd be a good best friend for me," Mello whispered under his breath.

"What do you expect from something that evolved from primordial goop?" Near sarcastically replied.


End file.
